gnarly:

I would be a morning person, if morning happened around 1pm

ahrned:

is that pitbull

the-sexylosers-club:

mcpeace323:

Stretch marks? 

You mean sick ass lightning tattoos 

Best description I’ve ever heard

cecilandcarlosbaldwin:

I LOVE CATCHING PEOPLE SMILING AT THEIR PHONES BECAUSE IS IT A CUTE TEXT?? IS IT PORN???? WHO KNOWS BUT I’M GLAD YOU’RE HAPPY FRIEND

jon-snow:

when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks

and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”

and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”

and then he’d spin around

and BAM

there was my brother

if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge